Let's love, Let's live

Let's sing, let's dance, let's leave our worries behind.
Let's be happy, let's fall in love.
And then see what happens
Let's see how I morph into we
Let's lose everything to gain something
Let bygones be bygones
Let's find someone who agrees to be my partner in crime
Let's dream together
And if our dreams match, let's head out on our journey
Is this life, or is this love

The need to express

The last couple of days have made me realize that the only way I can evade the pain and confusion in my life is through expression.

For the greater part of my lifetime, I was an introvert. For the greater part I was self-sufficient. For the greater part I never complained. What that meant was people only turned to me in distress. My life was rocky and for the major part I was dealing with a lot of pain, humiliation just to be nice to people. The question is how important it is to be nice to people, how important is to self-preserve oneself.

While I struggled to speak up, burst into tears often, I realized the only way I could deal with the pain was to express. How was I supposed to do that. My first reaction had been always to keep quiet, observe and try to understand why the other person felt and reacted the way they did. And in the whole process I kept losing myself.

The funniest ones are those who expect the world out of you and in return never feel the need to listen to you or enquire about your well being. I often wonder how these people can never think outside themselves and then I realize that is all they know.

Somedays, I only wish I could break my own walled garden and just speak up my feelings without having to care for the other person's feeling. Life is often a challenge in such times. But the only way I can deal with it to express myself. Writing my thoughts out, I feel will be my therapy. Good luck to that.

What do I really want

I paused on a lonely afternoon. I was bored.. I flitted between work, music and thoughts. In my seemingly perfect life, I paused to enquire why I am feeling so detached from all that I had worked for. I questioned myself about what I want.
Independence from the routine, independence from the system, independence from expectation.
Oh if I could only get there. It occurred that I have fallen prey to my own expectations, my set limits. I just want to say it aloud when I don't like something, without fearing I'd hurt someone. I just to cry when I feel like crying. I just want to wander in my thoughts without any guilt.
I paused and thought what was my greatest strengths. Relationships, my inner voice told me. what were my greatest weakness, I asked myself and I said relationships. I often feel bound by them. And was it wrong to feel stifled, was it wrong to yearn to fly.. I asked and the only answer I could get was a huge sigh.

I struggle to keep afloat

After a very long period of inactivity, I came back to you my dear friend. To pour out the grief, the confusion, the numbness, to pour out everything, to seek some peace, to get some questions answered, to clear my mind. A new happening start to my life and I thought I was well off until the day came when everyone complained or did I just listen to stifled voices in the corridor. Why did I feel so unloved, so unappreciated. I struggled, battled only to reach no conclusion. I wanted to break free, got stopped everytime in my tracks, I want to be happy again, just deliriously happy, look out, see out, be successful. It just seems like a long way... Will I ever make there, When???

Norms vs me

Life's a journey, says a wise soul. Life's ought to experienced by living each moment, says another wise soul. I sit back, confused lost thinking about what to expect from life and what not to. I think, reflect, introspect and all paths lead to square 1. I think hard as to whether jitters have overtaken me. I think hard, I think deep. I wonder about the validity of social norms. I question who created the norms and why do people choose to follow it. I question my innerself on which ones I love to follow and which ones I dont. And then when I realise my closed ones' emotions are tied to the norms, I step back. Have the rebellious streak in me died or have I come of age. I get no clear answers. I trudge wearily hoping for a clearer tomorrow only to be told that I was possessed by intermittent nerves. And then I refuse to give up questioning. I refuse to accept everything in the name of norms. I turn back to face it and deal with it.I do hope life gives me that opportunity and I secretly 's like a sine curve and I get to understand and the value all its chords.I do hope se..

You and I

Mellifluous strains of a classic and what does it do to your soul... I often had this theory that our minds rather than her hearts are like stringed instruments... you need to merely set the strings on fire (pun intended :P) and just wait for the heart to resonate with them. I often wondered whether this was love. And then when the engineer in me takes over me, I wonder if it's the music or the lyrics that takes my flighty heart for a soar. And finally, I leave all analysis to rest and learn to accept the poor blessed song in its wholeness just like the emotions laced beneath it from a solitary soul in some faraway land. I crave for his comforting solace as I am convinced that he does the same and we begin our journey together on sometimes smooth and sometimes rough waters. The orchestra personifies the commotion in our lives et al (something we've got to take along in our stride and manage well) and the vocals signify the simple underlying truth of it all, of just being together, just being you and I.

the fresh scotch mist

Clouds of self doubt engulfed me. I felt like a twig tossing and twirling in the fast river current, desperately trying to stabilize myself. I reached out after much deliberation. I had grown out of the habit of reaching out for help.. I had forgotten how it felt to be loved. I had forgotten it all.. and finally when I managed to pour out my heart in one gush after a long era, it felt strange, it felt light... I looked around, the weight had lifted off my heart and I saw a reassuring face in the distance. I gathered myself and decided it was better off following the light than losing oneself to the darkness. The clouds had lifted, the rains washed them away. The peace returned. My day was made, or maybe my life. :)